One Little White Pill

With sounds of Mother's Little Helper by The Rolling Stones, I start my day with one small little pill and a sip of water. Having never taken a valium before, I wasn't sure what to expect. It wasn't long before I found out what they meant when they said it would make me relax. I just hoped this "relaxing" didn't result in a mess in my shorts, cause this stuff was hitting me hard.


I gracefully stumbled into the oral surgeon's office, bouncing off the door jam with a diva's style and drunken grace. Up to the counter to check in, I make a grand attempt at appearing dignified despite the inability to even pronounce my own name.


With what sounded as nonsensical as the lyrics to One Week by Bare Naked Ladies, the receptionist began telling me of after care procedures, follow up appts (I think it's next week but I have no idea,) and prescriptions to be filled. I even made a payment with a blank! check! Should they be taking my money knowing I'm under the influence? and should I be signing forms? Did someone say "Go Ask Alice?" and Who's this Jefferson Airplane, or was it Starship?


I'm taken to a room in the back, hooked up to a heart monitor, and given an IV. Next thing I know I awake thinking "Wow! that wan't so bad!" "I'm not even sore." Then the doctor walks in apologizing for keeping me waiting (waiting, you mean we haven't done the thing yet?) Apparently while I was sleeping off my valium, some other patient thought they would be brave and have his teeth taken out while awake. This ill fated decison resulted in what the doctor described as "kicking and screaming" and "a battle to get the teeth out." Why, when given the option would anyone decide to be aware of their teeth being pulled?!


So, I say "Doc, give me the good stuff!" feeling great, I slip off to dreamland. (Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue)


I awake to a nurse telling me I'm all done. My mouth doesn't hurt but I literally have cotton mouth from all the gauze packing. Because the anethesia has not yet worn off; she wheels me out to the car which is probably best after my not so grande entrance. And I drive off into the sunset...not really, my friend actually did the driving, I slept, and it's the middle of the day, so no sunset, but we did drive off to make our way to the nearest drugstore because when this stuff wears off I have a feeling I'll be nursing a nonstop headache and wondering why I'm sleeping with my clothes on. (My Own Worst Enemy- Lit)