We grow up as little girls dreaming of fairy tales; the ♪knight in shining armor coming to your emotional rescue ♪(The Rolling Stones) the fairy tale wedding, and happily ever after...
But real life isn't like that.
In real life, your knight is sometimes dirty and sweaty, not always gentlemanly, and very rarely does he ride in to slay your dragon.
In real life, the perfect fairy tale wedding usually costs more than it's worth, and is often best done at the county clerk's office.
In real life, happily ever after is...hard work!
So, after 17 years together, we are "comfortable" (ugh, that sounds so bad.) Comfortable is not really bad at all. We rarely argue, though when we do?! Watch out! All that crazy jealousy is gone, so we can both enjoy friends of the opposite sex. Ok, not all gone, (just read Kill the Green Eyed Monster) but mostly. Now that the kids are older, we even enjoy going out with friends, and make time for date nights. So, "comfortable" is really, quite, good.
Early on, in our marriage, we were nowhere near "comfortable", and we often teetered on the edge of World War 3. In fact, at one point, we actually separated. In a terrible effort to convince myself, and somehow make it easier on him, I said the most regrettable words of my life, "I've never been in love with you." I followed this statement up with another no less painful, "I've cried enough tears for you."
If there has ever been a moment in my life that I could take back and do over, it would be this one. You see, I always loved hubby, and I always will, I just didn't know how to deal with the problems we were having, or the feelings I was feeling, and I thought the single lifestyle looked so much more exciting. So, I blamed all of our problems on us having been young, said he deserved someone better, and needed to experience all the things he didn't get to do, because he married, so young.
Lucky for me, he took me back, and we worked it out, but, I can never take back the hurt I caused because of my own selfish desires, and my unwillingness to tell him how I was really feeling. ♪I hurt myself today♪ (Johnny Cash)
Our healing process took years, and we had to work to keep our marriage together, and many times, I had to deal with the grudge he felt over things I had said, but every painful moment was worth the happiness we now share.
♪What we have will last forever, if we're strong enough to bend ♪ (Tanya Tucker)