Learned My Lesson Well

When I was growing up, I was quite the tomboy, preferring jeans and sneakers over a dress, despite my mother's constant pleas to "just once look like a girl." Along with my boyish clothing, it was also the boys that I chose to hang with, and it was from these boys that I learned to solve my problems with fists, (and sometimes glue, but that's a story for another day.)

Fighting was a way of life. If I didn't like what someone said: I'd punch 'em, If someone took something of mine: I'd kick 'em. I would do whatever it took to show that I was just as strong as any boy, and prove that no one could hurt me.

And so it went, I fought my way right up through 6th grade when I got in a fight with Rebeccah. Rebeccah was the girl that nobody liked, she was mean to everyone, she would always get people in trouble, nobody wanted to have to sit by her, and she didn't care. She would do everything she could to annoy everyone.

One day, Rebeccah was repeatedly kicking my chair and pulling my friends hair while the teacher was out of the room. I couldn't take it any longer, and I snapped. I started yelling at her and everyone gathered around us. With all the kids screaming, "hit her!" and pushing us together, I punched her right in the face! Then, I stood back awaiting the cheers of all the people that would say I did the right thing, and be so thankful for finally being the one to shut her up. I would be a hero, the kid people would remember for years to come, like a modern dragon slayer. ♪It's the eye of the Tiger it's the thrill of the fight, rising up...♪ (Survivor)

But, that's not what happened. Not even close. In fact,everyone turned on me. They consoled her, and accused me of being so mean. They questioned why, I hurt her. They all ran to the teacher and accused me of just randomly hitting her. They never mentioned their role in it all, how they encouraged me to do it, and almost forced my hand. They never told of all the negative things she had said to me. No, it was all my fault because I had struck the most hurtful blow.

I stood all alone, wondering what had happened. What had gone wrong. How could they not see, that I was trying to help them? I looked over at Rebeccah, and felt true regret for what I had done. I didn't want to hurt her. I only meant to make everyone else happy.

Today, I once again feel like that same little sixth grader. I fought back for what I thought was right. I tried to help a friend, and when I threw a hurtful blow, I was attacked. (For the record, there was no blood shed this time, but there were still plenty of tears)

Recently, someone told me negativity breeds negativity, and I definitely think that is true. It is also true that no matter how many positive things you say or do, it is the negative ones that stand out. Because of this, I would like to point out some messages that were apparently missed in a previous post.

♪If I could turn back time, If I could find a way, I'd take back those words that have hurt you♪

♪I didn't really mean to hurt you, I didn't really mean to make you cry♪

The fact is, I can't change the past. The only thing I can do is take responsibility for the actions that were my own, and learn from them. I can hope others will do the same, but ultimately they must bear the weight of their own actions.

♪ It's alright now, I've learned my lesson well. You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself♪ (Johnny Lee)

After the fight with Rebeccah, I never had a physical fight again. I didn't need to. It seems that the story of what happened spread its way through the school, and even those that weren't there seemed to know exactly what happened, and they all had an opinion on it. Apparently, I had beaten her to a pulp and she was hospitalized, and... Goes to show, don't talk about what you don't know.

♪You can't judge a book by looking at the cover. Oh, can't you see, you misjudge me♪ (Bo Diddley)

1 comment:

  1. If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.


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