Pouring My Heart Out: A Dad Shouldn't Need a Reason

I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason isn't clear. Sometimes we don't like the reason, and refuse to see it as anything more than circumstance, but everything, everything, happens with purpose.

The facts:
My father lives in Northern GA.
I haven't seen my father in 13 years.
During those 13 years, I've spoken to him once.
Growing up, my father never called me, he told me to call him collect.
His excuse then? He didn't want to have to speak to my stepdad.
His excuse now? He doesn't want to bother me.

Initially, not talking to my Dad was an experiment, a test. I wanted to see if he would call me. As the months turned into years, the years turned into stubborness, turned into hurt, turned into anger. Why couldn't he just call me? What was his excuse now? Didn't he love me? I'll show him! I just won't care!

Grasping on to anyway that he had ever wronged me, I fueled my anger. I was convinced that without my grandparents pushing him to see me, I would have never known him as a child. The pedestal I had once put him on as his little girl came crashing to the ground. My Superman was broken, and along with it, was my heart. How could a father ever cast his daughter aside? And, how could anyone not want a relationship with such beautiful granddaughters?! ♪Blackbird crying in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly♪ (the Beatles)

13 years is a long time. In that time, my girls have grown and blossomed into beautiful ladies. They are the flowers in my garden. ♪Every rose has it's thorn, just like every night has it's dawn♪ (Poison) Yet, my father knows only their pictures. He was not there to be a grandfather to them. They do not know him, and could pass him on the street like any other stranger. He missed seeing them grow.

On Monday, I accidentally changed the wallpaper on my phone from a purple eye with butterflies to a picture of mountains. It was pretty, so I thought: "what the hell, I'll keep it." Later, that day I found out I won a conference ticket to Type A Mom, in the Blue ridge Mountains of NC.

I struggled with whether it was worth the cost of getting there, and paying for the hotel, and almost said "no" when Shell told me she was looking for a roomie. This would save me some money, and Bear assured me that we could find a way to pay for it, so I decided to go.

Yesterday, as I contemplated driving (11 hours) or flying, a thought creeped in about visiting my Dad on the way there. I very quickly pushed this thought back down where it came from, reminding myself that there was no reason to see him. Afterall, he would never come to see me.

Last night, my phone rang. I almost didn't answer, and when I did, I expected this strange number to be a bill collector. On the other end of the line was my Step-Mom. My Dad is in ICU with a severe gallbladder infection. They are trying to get him stable enough for surgery. He will be in the hospital for at least 2 weeks, and will need 12 weeks to recover if all goes well.

She was calling me, because when my Dad was told how bad things are, the first thing he did was tell her to call me. Me! He thought of me first! Not my little brothers, but me.

I'm his daughter, and deep down I know he loves me. I just don't agree with his old ways of thinking: that because I am married; I am now my husbands responsibility. My husband is THE most important man in my life, and always will be! But, that doesn't mean that there isn't room in my heart for my Dad.

So,  I will drive to Asheville, and along the way I will stop to see my father. As his body works through the pain, I will try to work through the pain in my heart. Everything happens for a reason, and this reason is clear.

Being a father doesn't end when your daughter turns 18, or gets married. Being a father means being there, even when the girl doesn't know she needs you. When she thinks being stubborn is proof of her strength. When she hopes to make you proud with everything she does; she needs you to say that you are, not just quietly approve. If you are a father, declare your love for your child everyday! She may not need you every day, but she does need your love!

♪Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night♪ (Collin Raye)


  1. Unfortunately my daughter will probably be in this same boat years from now. *HUGS*

  2. My father in law sees my children only a few times a year, and he lives a half an hour away. It doesn't occur to him that he should want more than that. They barely know him and he is missing them grow. I would be sad for them if they didn't have my father. You are reminding me to be thankful for the man who has always stood by me. I know that I am a lucky woman.

    I wish you luck and peace as you become reacquainted, and have fun at the conference!

  3. I haven't spoken to mine in about 4 years. I hope that your visit with him goes well.

  4. Hi there...came by from The Things I Can't Say Wednesday meme...I'm your newest follower.

    I sort of know how you are feeling, except I have never met my dad. He was in my life when I was a baby, but he dropped out of it and never once looked back. It doesn't bother me anymore, because I say it's his lost, not mine.

    I hope all goes well with your visit.

    The Things We Find Inside

  5. My heart breaks for you. My father-in-law doesn't want to "bother" us, either. And his wife,well, that's another story.

    When I asked my Dad why he doesn't make time to see me or the kid (or even my mom, for that matter), he said he has a life. Nice.

    I think all everything from the mountain wall paper to the free ticket to the phone call is incredible - give me goose bumps.

    I can't wait to hear how everything goes.

  6. I can't even imagine what that must be like. There have been times in my life my father and I have been out of touch-but I can't imagine going 13 years without seeing him. I hope you are able to sort through things. Big hugs.

  7. I am so glad that you're going to be seeing him. It sounds like your relationship with him is troubled, but he is reaching out to you... and that is a big deal. A lot of men are just like that.

    I must say, I am rather biased. I lost my Dad about 20 months ago. And although we were "close' in a lot of ways, we also had a rather traditional relationship, he quiet, not one to reach out too much... although he loved his grandkids.

    I wish you all the best as you reconnect. I suspect you will not regret it one bit.

    Here from Saturday Samplings...

  8. I've never, ever, ever been able to understand how a man could not treasure his children for the gifts they are. I'm glad you're going; maybe it's just something about that dumb generation--I just don't get it. You won't regret stopping by...Good luck.

    And thanks for linking up!

  9. You are an incredible person for going to see him. It may not be ideal, but it's wonderful that you can go. I wish you all kinds of strength to be there with your Dad, because I bet it's going to be emotional.

    Kristin - The Goat
    via Saturday Sampling


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