Pour Your Heart Out, or In This Case; My Brain


My mind is racing, each thought passing through like a flash of lightning. A flash of an image, a passing thought, gone too fast to grab a hold of.

I have cancerous cells. It's early. I'm having a hysterectomy. I'm okay with it. It's what I need. I couldn't have any more children anyway. I have premature menopause. Good thing I had my girls early. I would've liked more kids. I'm grateful to have my girls. I can't feel bad for myself. So many are worse off. What will I feel like after? Will my tummy feel empty? Will I want to have sex? Will I feel different to my husband? Why am I thinking such stupid thoughts?! This is a good thing. I won't have to worry anymore. It's no big deal. Many people have had a hysterectomy. But, it is a big deal. It's major surgery. I'll be fine.

On and on my thoughts go by, they float on waves of an emotional sea with some waves crashing and breaking harder than others. The biggest wave of all:

I will be strong and I will survive and when my strength waivers, I know I will have you by my side.


9 comments:

  1. Hey JenAugust 31, 2011 at 9:47 AM

    Wow, I'm sorry this is happening to you. But don't question your thoughts or emotions. It's okay and very natural to wonder and feel that way.

    Do you have your surgery scheduled?

    I'm definitely thinking good thoughts for you though. Lots of positive healing thoughts!

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  2. KarenMWAugust 31, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    Sending tons of cyberhugs and purple love your way! Don't forget that you're on the edge of glory, now and after surgery, too!

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  3. AnnieAugust 31, 2011 at 11:09 AM

    Stopping by from Shell's . . .
    Your internal dialogue sounds completely sane and normal coming from someone that is dealing with cancer and a hysterectomy. I don't think there is a "right" way to feel, so don't look for it! Just let yourself feel however you want to. You are entitled.
    Hugs!
    fondly, Annie @astonesthrow

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  4. ShellAugust 31, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Oh girl.

    Sending you lots of love and prayers.

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  5. Galit BreenAugust 31, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    Oh so very much going on! Sending so many good thoughts your way!

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  6. JackieSeptember 1, 2011 at 12:04 AM

    So sorry you're going through this. And I think it's natural for you to be thinking all these thoughts. Will keep you in my prayers.

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  7. Mya MaternitySeptember 1, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    Oh, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. Even though you are confused and frustrated with your emotions sometimes it is very good to write things down or talk about what you are feeling. I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this tough time.


    http://www.MyaMaternity.com
    http://myamaternity.blogspot.com

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  8. JennaSeptember 1, 2011 at 5:49 PM

    so glad you blogged about this and linked up to pour your heart out! Thinking of you and sending strength!

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  9. MomRNSeptember 4, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    Praying for you and been thinking about you. Hope all goes smoothly with the surgery and you have a quick, easy recovery. My sister had a hysterectomy this spring for the same thing. So far she's doing very well after it and very thankful not to have to battle cancer. (((HUGS))
    Let me know if there is anything I can do. Wish we lived close to each other.

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