So this week's writing prompts from Mama's Losin it are all about Mom.
Mom? Hmmm... where do I start to talk about Mom? Mom and I haven't always had the best of relationships. We don't do mother daughter things. I don't talk to her about my friends, or about my problems. She doesn't invite me out for coffee, or a movie. We don't just spend time together. It just doesn't happen. We kind of have an understanding that the less we talk, the better we are.
I'm the oldest of 4, and the only 1 from my dad. My sister is 7 years younger than me, my brother 7 years younger than her, and the youngest brother is 2 years younger than him. They are all the children of the brother of the man that my mom left my dad for. Keeping up? Yes, you read that right. My mother left my dad for one man, but she later had children with and married his brother. The marriage lasted 17 years, until my sister walked in on my mom and yet another man "Watching Jay Leno." That's what mom said they were doing, and I believe her because who doesn't watch Jay Leno naked with a strange man while her husband is out of town?!
Naturally, my sister told her dad, and again my mom was divorced, but that didn't last long, she quickly married the other guy, and after 10 years with him, is now plotting his murder.
So clearly, mom and relationships don't do so well. That doesn't mean she's a bad mom. Right?! Right! There are plenty of women who suck at relationships, but will choose their child over any man. My mom just isn't one of them. She just isn't the motherly type (although, she can put on a very good act when someone's looking.)
So, I won't be telling you about my fabulous birth, or how my name was selected with love and tenderness. I won't be doing a heartwarming interview with mom or be writing a poem in her honor.
I will, however, share with you what I have learned from my mom.
I have learned to tell your children your love them, every chance you get, even when you don't want something from them, because children need to know they are loved.
I have learned that children don't need to know all about your adult problems, or be your "little secret keeper." Let them be children and deal with your problems yourself.
I have learned not to accuse your children of being sluts, druggies, or thiefs, at any age, especially the tender age of 10 because it is human nature to become what we are accused of.
I have learned you can discipline your child without name calling, and violence. Noone should ever have to find out a knife isn't clean enough by having their mother clean it off on their arm.
Most importantly, I have learned that as a mother, you will make mistakes, and no matter how many mistakes you make your children will love you, even if they don't always like you. But as the mother, you must be responsible for your own actions, and do everything you can to protect you child, and sometimes you must sacrifice your own wants to do this.
In her own way, she taught me to be a good mom. Even if it was ass backwards and only because I've never wanted to be like her.
P.S. This is my first post without musical reference. Through music I am inspired, but when thinking of my mother, my world is silent. Over the years, I have gone through the songs of rage, I have certainly heard songs of tears for her, and though I will never hear songs of joy for mom, I do have a sense of peace and acceptance. So for her there is no music, only silence.