White Liar

I recently got into an argument with a friend who was upset about a blog post where I stated: one of my friends started seeing one of my other good friends and lying to her husband about it (they were separated, in her defense, though why I'm defending, at this point, I'm not sure.)
Now, in any of my posts about real people, I never name names, and if I do feel a name is needed to follow the story, I always give a fake one, but in this case, no name is given. As you can see, I even use a fake name for myself, (really?! you didn't know?! I wish my mom had given me such a cool name as Amethyst Moon, but alas, no.)
My point in case you're missing it: If I don't name names, and you read something that says you're lying, and you feel it is talking about you, well, maybe you are feeling guilty about something, like Oh, I don't know?! hmmm, let me see...maybe you're LYING?! Just a thought.
♪Heyyyyyyyy, White Liar ♪ (Miranda Lambert)

When she initially told me, that saying she lied, had hurt her, I truly couldn't remember what post she was talking about, and so I told her, it wasn't about her. (Because she really is not the only thing going on in my life, and so I mentioned her briefly in a post about October, I talk about many friends, I am an equal opportunity writer and if you do something worth writing about?, well, what do you expect?) When I looked through my posts and saw, that I did say she had lied, I tried to do the right thing and delete that portion, (because I really didn't set out to hurt her.) ♪I didn't really want to hurt you, I didn't really want to make you cry♪ (Soooo not the right lyrics to: Do you Really Want to Hurt Me by Culture Club, but it's the way it played out in my head just now)

This person actually thought everything I wrote as a Facebook status was about her, and apparently sat around with another friend trying to "decode" my updates. The funny part was many things were truly just random quotes or lyrics that struck me as interesting, and none of them were about her, but again if you read something and think it applies, well, maybe it's your guilt talking, or maybe you just tend to, mistakenly, think the world revolves around you.
♪You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you ♪
(Carly Simon)

You have to love texting, especially if you're a writer! Before texting, we had to try to argue on the phone with people, and hope we could get something out quick, before we were interrupted, and hope it was loud enough for the other person to hear over their own yelling. Now with texting, we can say as many words as our fingers will stand typing (and your carrier will allow) before pressing the send button. And, unlike verbal arguments, if you don't like what you said, you can actually hit the back button like it never happened, and then write what you should really say. (Boy, has this saved me from saying some really hurtful things, that can never be taken back.)

Unfortunately, with the texting war with above (probably former) friend, yesterday, I did not make good use of the back button, and I said at least one extremely hurtful thing, that while in the moment I thought she deserved, (because of the many hurtful things she has said about me,) in hindsight, I really wish I wouldn't have said it. ♪If I could turn back time, If I could find a way, I'd take back those words that hurt you♪ (Cher)

I think she definitely needs to face some truths about herself, and her marriage. I don't appreciate her now saying I'm lying, because she doesn't like the way she looks if others know the truth. You see, I, and others she has accused of lying, have no reason to lie because we have nothing to gain by the lie or lose from the truth. Until, she can be honest with herself, and build her own self value rather than relying on the value others place on her, she will never find happiness. And, happiness is what I really want for her.

♪Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all ♪ (Whitney Houston)


  1. Wow great post! Now I have a few songs stuck in my head too!

  2. wow. that friend of yours has some serious issues if she feels like she needs to "decode" your FB status messages! wow. you know what they say when you "assume" things, right?

    hope you are having a great day! :)

  3. I agree with Allyson, even if she spells her name with a y :) Trying to decode your FB status seems a little much. I agree that she was feeling some definite guilt.

  4. Wow Amethyst Moon, I think you have officially gone too far. I have been a neutral party in this matter from the beginning and have never really made my opinion known but I really feel like I should say something now. Many of us have seen your Facebook status and thought, " wow what is she talking about, is it about me?" I know myself, I have done that a couple times and not out of guilt. I am not in your close circle of friends but I know who you are talking about in this blog and who you were talking about in October, and for the record I do see where it could be a little hurtful. Whatever this couple decides to do is in all honesty none of your business. Let the past be the past and move toward the future. Let them be. One thing I do know for certain is that there were mistakes made on both of their parts, it is not as one sided as you make it out to be. If they are going to work things out there is nothing you are going to be able to do or say to stop them even though it seems like you are trying your hardest. If they choose not to stay together then that is fine as well. They don't need you putting your two cents in where it is clearly not wanted anymore. You know this isn't the first time your words have hurt/embarrassed or even got you into trouble with someone. Maybe it is time to tone it down a little. I feel bad for them and hope they can make it through this, whether it be as a couple or as friends.

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  6. Okay, still haven't gotten an acct to use my name, but this time it's me RACHEL.

    I think even though names aren't used, anyone who is anyway involved in your or their lives *knows* what and who you were talking about.

    And I always try to decode (for lack of a better word) your FB status. They are usually song lyrics (as you LOVE), but they obviously have some meaning behind them, whether it's about something going on in life, or as you said something that may have struck you as funny. With having said that, I read all my friend's status updates and sometimes have to wonder what theirs mean as well! And sometimes theirs may strike me as "are they talking to me?" cuz their quote sounds as if it could have been written by ME!

    I think at this point we should all step back, breathe, and let everyone try and work on their OWN demons. I know I have more than my fair share right now.

    I know this blog is yours and you can write whatever you want, but right now the wound is so HUGE, DEEP, and SEEPING this is like throwing great big handfuls of salt in there.

    I'm begging you for mercy...(I know that's a song lyric-but as usual don't know the song or artist.)

  7. To my fellow bloggers: Thanks for the support.

    Anonymous #1: No clue who you are, obviously someone on FB,but good job at keeping your anonymity. Not sure what you're referencing about hurting/embarassing someone in the past, would love to know. And you're right probably not one sided, but you're wrong about me wanting to keep them apart. You see, I supported them both equally and knew it would be ugly when I felt like one needed some information to make a decision, but felt it was the right thing to do, so losing friends is the sacrifice I made, and none of you can know how hard of a decision it was.

    anonymous # 2 wish you hadn't put your name, but sorry to lose you in this process, but understand you must do what you must do. Sorry.

    To all of you: I'm a writer. That's what I do. This is how I deal with what I'm feeling. I really didn't know that so many people knew it was me writing it, but I can't say that I'd change any of it. What you are missing behind the words is what I'm feeling in all this, but that's because none of you have ever truly stopped to get to know the real me.

  8. I have been in similar situations with good friends and it is one of the hardest things to do. It typically never has any benefit to the person speaking up and causes them a LOT of pain. But your good heart forces you to do the right thing. It's a hard place to be, but I would want my good friend to do it for me. Why... Because I know my friends, I surround myself with good people and because of this, I would know they had the best interest at heart, no matter how painful the truth can be.


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