Writer's Workshop: My wedding, or, Why it's Whack

When I got married, I was 17, and 5 months pregnant with #1. For months, I had been arguing with my mom about getting married, (who am I kidding, I was always arguing with my mom, this was just the latest topic...) HOLD UP! *screeching brakes* ♪ hold up, wait a minute, let me put some boom in it♪   (Salt n Pepa)

Let me back up a minute, this is important, so listen up!
No mother wants to hear their teenage daughter say that she's pregnant, but, it may happen, because let's face it: TEENS ARE HAVING SEX! Don't fool yourself.

The best thing you can do is to talk to your child about sex, and, not just once, make it a normal common conversation. Use television shows and movies as a way to bridge the discussion. Ask them to wait until they're older, but also tell them it's okay to talk to you if they're thinking about not waiting.

And, this is very important: if they do come to you ahead of time, don't, I repeat don't, just say "Don't do it, because I said so!" Because haven't you learned from all the times they got out of their crib, bed, playpen, etc... after, you told them not to, that, if there is one thing kids will do, it is the opposite of what you tell them?! 

Tell them you don't agree with them, and you don't condone doing, well, it! Then explain why you don't agree, (calmly, now, ladies) and then you can only leave the decision to them. Oh! and trust me: grounding your child will not work, it will only serve to drive them further away.

Finally, when/if your daughter says she is pregnant, and wants to marry the baby's father, don't beat her with a phone and tell her she will have an abortion, or never see the boy she loves, again. This really, really, doesn't work!

So, back to the wedding... After telling mom I was pregnant resulted in WW III, and she was still threatening abortions, and never seeing Bear, my only option was to move in with Dad for my last 3 months of my senior year. This meant a new school and a 2 hour distance between me and Bear. It sucked! And, because mom officially had custody of me, it was only her signature that was permissible for me to get a marriage license as a minor. ♪ Stuck between a rock, and a hard place♪  (The Rolling Stones)

So, I began trying to patch things up which came in the form of allowing mom to plan our wedding, which was going to include Swedish meatballs and lace doilies, blech! But, despite my extra sweet nature, and giving into every one of mom's little whims, because she held the key to my freedom, despite that she still refused to sign, and insisted that we wait another year.

Now, I know some of you are thinking: that she only wanted the best for me, and she just wanted me to marry for love and not a baby, etc,... and in a normal mother daughter relationship this might be true, but, it simply wasn't the case in this situation. She wanted things her way with the attention on her and that was that! (this theory would be proven later when my sister got pregnant. A story for another day.)

So, the wedding was off! I cancelled the caterer, and the flowers, and said there would be no wedding. I told her that I was going to be 18, in 2 months, so I would just do it on my own, then. And, this is what finally got her to sign. Not my sweetness, or giving in to her wedding plans, it was the realization that I didn't need her. I could live my life without her permission. I didn't need her permission to get pregnant, and I wouldn't need her permission to get married. It was only a matter of time.

I graduated high school on June 4th, and left my Dad's house for good. I drove home with my mother and grandmother. On June 12th, Bear picked me up at 10:30 in his Dad's Blazer, handed me a dozen white roses,  and we drove to the Clerk of Circuit Courts. We stood in line, paid our fee, and stepped behind the desk to say some official vows in front of a line of strangers. Then we went to lunch at Bennigan's.

So, if I could change one thing about my wedding, it wouldn't be how young I was, or that I was already pregnant. It wouldn't be to dance in a big white dress for the first time with my husband, or to have my father walk me down the aisle.

The one thing I would change would be to have people we cared about there, to witness how happy I was at the moment when he said "I do."   ♪ Say I do, I do I do I do I do I do♪  (Abba)

After all, look at the crazy family he was marrying into! Jeez! I'm lucky he didn't run!

♪ Let's hear it for the boy, let's give the boy a hand♪  (Deniece Williams)

My prompt was: If you could do your wedding over, what would you change? Now go choose yours, or just check out the others.
Mama's Losin' It


  1. :) Thanks for sharing this with us!!!

    My sister got pregnant at 16 and my parents were so upset and thought that the guy would never stick around. They've been together 11 years and have been married almost a year :)

  2. I was 24 when I had an unintentional pregnancy. My parents flipped out and were the ones asking if I'd get married. I thought THEY were crazy. So, for my wedding story I tell people that I DIDN'T marry my first ex-husband.

    And, I'm still single at 35 :)

  3. Sounds familiar - my sister just turned 19 but was still living at home. I understand all about WWIII.
    I love how you incorporate lyrics into your post :)


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