I can't Get no Satisfaction, but there's Triscuits

Even though we've been together for more than half my life, I still worry about how I look to him. So, on the night of our 18th Anniversary, I make sure to spend a little extra time in front of the mirror doing my make-up, and trying to get my curl crazed hair to just control itself! With hair and makeup done, I now turn to the suitcase to decide which of the 10 outfits I've packed is going to fit like it did before I packed it. This shirt with this skirt, or these capris with this top, or, or, or... Finally, an hour after we decided it was time to go get dinner, with hubby patiently waiting, ♪waiting on a woman♪ (Brad Paisley) (at least he looks patient, I mean he's watching ESPN, so he must be ok, right?) finally, I'm ready to go.

I turn to him and say "Do I look ok?" and you know what he says?! He says "yes, you looked good an hour ago." I know that's a compliment, and I know he just means that I always look good to him, but where's the appreciation for my hardwork?! Doesn't he know what a sacrifice I just made?! I stood in front of a mirror for an hour! An hour! I plucked hairs, lathered myself in moisturizer, stuffed and cinched and sucked in my fat rolls, and inhaled poisonous hairspray fumes, all... for... him! All, so he wouldn't look across the dinner table and think "what the hell happened to her?!"  ♪She let herself go♪ (George Strait)

Anyway, so, I'm looking good, he's looking good, and we're hand in hand off to dinner at Raintree in St. Augustine. We know right away that this is not our kind of place, but decide to stick it out, because of the special occasion. I had the $28 Ribeye, (do you know how many ribeyes I could cook for $28?!) and he had the Chicken a la Zingara (that's fancy talk for tiny chicken breast with cheese.) The food was good, there just wasn't enough of it! And, it wasn't like we were paying extra for great service, because there wasn't enough of that, either! With the bill paid, we leave, agreeing to get something more to eat later, after a little anniversary ♪bonchickawawa♪  in the hotel room.

I'm swooning as he opens the hotel room door, and with sultry sexiness, I...run past him, straight to...the bathroom, where I stay long enough to dispel this alien life form thats suddenly waging war on my intestines, take a shower to wash off all that damn makeup that I had to put on for my special night, and then drag myself into bed...to sleep, leaving Bear to spend the rest of our romantic evening with the TV and a box of Triscuits.  ♪Did I shave my legs for this?♪  (Deana Carter)